Good, Right...Scary!

Remember our “celebration” a few weeks ago? I gave a very short blog about it [here] with intentional lack of details. I mentioned that we had received some news just a few days before Christmas that helped Dan and I feel relieved and optimistic for the first time in a long time. I didn’t share the specifics of the news in that post for several reasons. One of the main reasons is because I hadn’t TRULY processed the news myself yet. How could I write about something when I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling? There were so many emotions to process I just went numb to it all. It was the only emotion I could handle in order to enjoy the holidays: Numbness (to the news). Have you ever felt that way? Overwhelmed and confused when you received some much anticipated news?

Psalm 94:19 (NLT)

19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

This is the time where God really can reveal himself to you…

I remember Dan being so excited when I got off the phone that day in December and told him the news, yet all I could think of was how scared I was. Is this really what God had for us? Would this even follow through and happen? What about the boys? What about Dan? Can this really work?....

That day I got the call I was requested to take a temporary position (in January) at my old company (to cover a maternity leave). It is a day and a phone call we will never forget. After both of us being home with no (full-time) employment for 3 years - This signifies the beginning of a new era of our lives…a new hope….a NEW beginning. Yes, the position is temporary, but it was the first symbol of God working in this area in our lives that we had felt was truly tangible. It was a paycheck, a shoe in the door, it was HOPE!

Those thoughts were the logical positives I have had to remind myself as I have gone through the emotional process and facing the fear of the unknown. Do you know the old saying “be careful what you ask for”? Yup. That thought crossed my mind. The time has come where logically I know the right and good thing to do for our family is to get a full time job, but emotionally I don’t want to leave my boys and give up the time I have with them. Both sides of the emotions are playing against each other as I have been processing all of it, and all I can do is just ask God to hold my hand through it. There is literally no other way for me to cope, no other way I know how to cope. I know He can and will give me the desire to follow His lead, the wisdom to make good choices, and the strength to get through such a huge change in our lives.

Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

I received a call this weekend confirming the position is going through and I start on Tuesday 1/10. God has lead us to this path….Dan is going to be a stay at home dad (even if temporarily), and I will be the working mom…..Trust. That is all I have, and all I want to do is Trust in Him. I know no amount of time, or love, or “good” decisions will get us through…get ME through this process of such a HUGE transition.

TRUST. I get it Lord. It’s ALL in your hands. You would not have brought us down this path if it was not in your will and you didn’t plan to carry us through it. I get it, and I TRUST you!

Psalm 138:8 (NLT)

8 The LORD will work out his plans for my life—

for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.

Don’t abandon me, for you made me.