I started my job today. I am not scared of the job itself, I have done it before and I enjoy it. I was scared of the transition for our family and my boys. Could it really work with me being the working mom while my husband was the stay at home dad? As of right now what is getting me through it is the fact that somehow in the back of my mind I have comforted myself in the thought that “this is only a temporary position”. I told myself - “Maybe I will just work these 3 or 4 months, pay bills, get ahead again, and then get another short break to be home with the boys before something permanent comes along.” Now I know that me having time off after this temporary position is not necessarily the best thing for our family. However, just the thought still brought me a form of comfort knowing this wasn’t the end-all be-all of our situation. Who knew what could happen in 3 or 4 months, God can do anything right?
One blessing today is that I was able to say goodbye to the boys this morning. They are usually early risers anyway and I don’t have to leave until 7:00am. They are used to me leaving for ministry events, or running errands, so the goodbye was routine to them; happy hugs and kisses. A happy departure: Such a blessing!
It wasn’t until I got in the car down the road, and of course heard a song that made me think too much about leaving them that I began the fight of emotions. I had the radio on in the car and the Christian morning show was having a discussion that morning about the job market. They were touching all sides of the subject including job searches, new career paths, new family roles, and the emotions that can be involved. I thought to myself: This is it. This is really happening. Then I got mad and didn’t want to put myself through the emotions so I turned it off of Christian radio to something else…or at least… I tried. I couldn’t even get through one song, I needed any connection to God I could get; I HAD to turn it back to Christian radio. So I did, and I just prayed.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)
6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”
Throughout this morning I had already fought back tears a few times already. I prayed for strength. Then something happened. The radio show had an expert giving advice on job searching, but they were also taking calls from listeners. Most listeners were asking advice or giving testimonies, but one particular lady just called to offer something that had been laid on her heart in her personal bible study the night before. She said “I am not having job issues, and I don’t have any questions. I just wanted to call and offer something that God put on my heart for those that are out there going through these hard times (and she shared this verse):
Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)
13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Remember I turned away from the Christian radio and felt the NEED to turn back just a few moments before this call. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord used that lady to make sure I heard His message and received His comfort when I needed it. He was right there, holding my hand, just like I had asked. Thank you Lord!
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