God of Wonders

What helps you feel connected to God? Is it music? Spending time with family or friends? Spending time out in nature? What gives you a comfort and peace by reminding you of God’s love? It could be anything. Usually it relates to the way your mind and spirit work; in other words, your personality.

For me, there are two things that I have known for a long time that helps me feel closer to God than anything.  One of those things is music. There is something about the way music conveys emotions beyond what any word or gesture can come close to. The other thing that I know always helps me feel close to God is nature: whether it is the trees, the desert, a beautiful blue sky, or a cloudy day with a rainbow. I love being able to just look around me and see God’s amazing wonders that He created so majestic and so beautiful.   

Today for lunch I went into a break room I have never been in before.  The room’s window is facing another building with a small courtyard in the middle of the two buildings. Since it is a Friday the office was fairly quiet and I was the only one in the room. I was reflecting on my first week and thanking God for helping our family through the transition and holding my hand through these changes. Then I looked up, and to my surprise, as you look out the window just to the northwest is a silhouette of palm trees from the courtyard, a beautiful blue sky with an amazing background of gorgeous Arizona mountains. It immediately reminded me of God’s might, wonder, presence, and love. He was right there, still with me, still listening. I had the most beautiful lunch today to end a great week with my Lord. 

God Time

My commute to work is about 45 minutes each way. It has been 3 days and I am not only beginning to somewhat enjoy my time in the car now; I am beginning to look forward to it. I forgot how nice it can be to be trapped in a car and forced to have nothing to do (besides drive of course)...And I will tell you why I say that. I remember years ago I always looked forward to my car time being my quiet time. Most of the time I would be singing my heart out, usually on the way to the church office (when I helped out years ago) or when I was on my way to choir/worship team practice. It was my quiet time.  It was my God time.

Sound funny? It does a little bit, doesn’t it? God time in the car? Let me ask you, do you take time out of your day every day to just be in the presence of the Lord? I don’t necessarily mean read the bible, study a devotional, or say our mealtime prayers. Those are all wonderful things of course. But what I am talking about is talking to God, praying, worshipping, practicing His presence, and just being still.

Psalm 89:15 (TNIV)
¹⁵ Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, LORD.

I find the times I am most connected with God, and feel the best presence of Him in my life is when I take that quiet time to connect and be in His presence. Sometimes I lay my troubles on him, sometimes praise Him and worship Him in song (yes I literally sing in the car); sometimes I just thank Him for all of the small blessings that He gave me throughout the day. Whatever it is, I know He is there, and I know He is listening. Sometimes I get an immediate connection, other times I feel the need to reflect on my thoughts and my heart and pray for guidance (so I can “get” the connection).

Today I was disappointed that I hadn’t gotten that “it” thing for the day. You know the totally obvious knock you over the head, that was totally a “God thing” thing? Then I just had to laugh at myself. God isn’t some vending machine. I can’t expect the “wow” factor every day.

But when He needs to, he reveals Himself. As long as I trust in that, and I am open to that, I won’t miss it when it comes….and I didn’t miss it tonight either.

 Psalm 27:14 (NLT)
¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous.Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

He gave me the most beautiful sunset on the way home, and it was as if He was saying to me right there, “you get it”…

Matthew 25:21

²¹ His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant...
…”You get it”.

Transition

Day 2 of the new/temporary job. Last night was wonderful coming home to 2 excited little boys and a wonderful husband. They missed me, and it felt wonderful to be so loved. Even the goodbye this morning was not bad. Pretty much “routine” like yesterday. I was grateful that the “transition” seems to be going so well. It helps me to cope knowing the boys are doing okay. I posted that [verse] on my phone and I was so grateful for feeling God’s presence all day yesterday as well.

Then you get in the car… and you get alone with your thoughts. Could it really be THIS easy? Could it all blow up in a few days when the boys realize that mommy leaving is an everyday thing? Will this role reversal really work? Could this really be the answer? What happens if nothing comes up before this temporary position is over? ((Sigh)) Your mind just wanders and wanders.

Then… it happens again…without my mind even being in the right place God just immediately pulls me in with this (pic below). It is like he literally took my chin, pointed it in that direction and said “look my child at what I can create, and just take it in”.

Psalm 19:1 (NLT)

1 The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.

Within a few seconds He draws my attention to the song on the radio. “You make everything Glorious. You make everything Glorious. You make everything Glorious…and I AM YOURS!!”

Here He is again, right on time, right on cue, with exactly what I needed! Yes Lord, you do make everything Glorious! Even my life that sometimes seems messy is glorious through You. I am YOURS!

New Beginning

At risk of sounding cliché…today was the first day of the rest of our lives. Today was the beginning of a new era. The new Hope! ….and I was scared out of my mind.

I started my job today. I am not scared of the job itself, I have done it before and I enjoy it. I was scared of the transition for our family and my boys. Could it really work with me being the working mom while my husband was the stay at home dad? As of right now what is getting me through it is the fact that somehow in the back of my mind I have comforted myself in the thought that “this is only a temporary position”. I told myself - “Maybe I will just work these 3 or 4 months, pay bills, get ahead again, and then get another short break to be home with the boys before something permanent comes along.” Now I know that me having time off after this temporary position is not necessarily the best thing for our family. However, just the thought still brought me a form of comfort knowing this wasn’t the end-all be-all of our situation. Who knew what could happen in 3 or 4 months, God can do anything right?

One blessing today is that I was able to say goodbye to the boys this morning. They are usually early risers anyway and I don’t have to leave until 7:00am. They are used to me leaving for ministry events, or running errands, so the goodbye was routine to them; happy hugs and kisses. A happy departure: Such a blessing!

It wasn’t until I got in the car down the road, and of course heard a song that made me think too much about leaving them that I began the fight of emotions. I had the radio on in the car and the Christian morning show was having a discussion that morning about the job market. They were touching all sides of the subject including job searches, new career paths, new family roles, and the emotions that can be involved. I thought to myself: This is it. This is really happening. Then I got mad and didn’t want to put myself through the emotions so I turned it off of Christian radio to something else…or at least… I tried. I couldn’t even get through one song, I needed any connection to God I could get; I HAD to turn it back to Christian radio. So I did, and I just prayed.

Deuteronomy 31:6 (NLT)

6 So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Throughout this morning I had already fought back tears a few times already. I prayed for strength. Then something happened. The radio show had an expert giving advice on job searching, but they were also taking calls from listeners. Most listeners were asking advice or giving testimonies, but one particular lady just called to offer something that had been laid on her heart in her personal bible study the night before. She said “I am not having job issues, and I don’t have any questions. I just wanted to call and offer something that God put on my heart for those that are out there going through these hard times (and she shared this verse):

Isaiah 41:13 (NIV)

13 For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear;  I will help you.

Remember I turned away from the Christian radio and felt the NEED to turn back just a few moments before this call. There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord used that lady to make sure I heard His message and received His comfort when I needed it. He was right there, holding my hand, just like I had asked. Thank you Lord!

Good, Right...Scary!

Remember our “celebration” a few weeks ago? I gave a very short blog about it [here] with intentional lack of details. I mentioned that we had received some news just a few days before Christmas that helped Dan and I feel relieved and optimistic for the first time in a long time. I didn’t share the specifics of the news in that post for several reasons. One of the main reasons is because I hadn’t TRULY processed the news myself yet. How could I write about something when I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling? There were so many emotions to process I just went numb to it all. It was the only emotion I could handle in order to enjoy the holidays: Numbness (to the news). Have you ever felt that way? Overwhelmed and confused when you received some much anticipated news?

Psalm 94:19 (NLT)

19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

This is the time where God really can reveal himself to you…

I remember Dan being so excited when I got off the phone that day in December and told him the news, yet all I could think of was how scared I was. Is this really what God had for us? Would this even follow through and happen? What about the boys? What about Dan? Can this really work?....

That day I got the call I was requested to take a temporary position (in January) at my old company (to cover a maternity leave). It is a day and a phone call we will never forget. After both of us being home with no (full-time) employment for 3 years - This signifies the beginning of a new era of our lives…a new hope….a NEW beginning. Yes, the position is temporary, but it was the first symbol of God working in this area in our lives that we had felt was truly tangible. It was a paycheck, a shoe in the door, it was HOPE!

Those thoughts were the logical positives I have had to remind myself as I have gone through the emotional process and facing the fear of the unknown. Do you know the old saying “be careful what you ask for”? Yup. That thought crossed my mind. The time has come where logically I know the right and good thing to do for our family is to get a full time job, but emotionally I don’t want to leave my boys and give up the time I have with them. Both sides of the emotions are playing against each other as I have been processing all of it, and all I can do is just ask God to hold my hand through it. There is literally no other way for me to cope, no other way I know how to cope. I know He can and will give me the desire to follow His lead, the wisdom to make good choices, and the strength to get through such a huge change in our lives.

Joshua 1:9 (NLT)

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

I received a call this weekend confirming the position is going through and I start on Tuesday 1/10. God has lead us to this path….Dan is going to be a stay at home dad (even if temporarily), and I will be the working mom…..Trust. That is all I have, and all I want to do is Trust in Him. I know no amount of time, or love, or “good” decisions will get us through…get ME through this process of such a HUGE transition.

TRUST. I get it Lord. It’s ALL in your hands. You would not have brought us down this path if it was not in your will and you didn’t plan to carry us through it. I get it, and I TRUST you!

Psalm 138:8 (NLT)

8 The LORD will work out his plans for my life—

for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever.

Don’t abandon me, for you made me.