Pruning

I have been meeting a lot of new friends lately, which has been such a blessing. Naturally what comes up in a conversation when you are getting to know someone is the simple stuff, you know the small talk. Do you have any kids? Are you from around here? What do you do for a living? … That last one is hard. How do you tell someone you have only know for a few days (maybe even a few minutes) that you don’t know exactly what you do/will do? Sure, I could take the easy route and say I am a stay at home mom, going to school, or the like….those things are true but that wouldn’t be completely authentic. Then the question comes up “What does your husband do?”….Well…… None of this is an easy answer for us right now. Neither of those questions have been an easy answer for quite some time.

The truth is I don’t know what I am going to do, what I want to do, or what God will lead me to do. I can tell you what my/our current “plan” is for the moment, but I can tell you that Dan and I have learned (the hard way) to never count on “our” plan always being His plan.

Our journey the last three years has been incredibly difficult in many ways. Do you have any idea what it is like to not be able to provide for your family? I am not talking about financially unorganized, lack of budget, can’t get my kid the top of the line (fill in the blank). I am talking doing everything you can in your power to do what is right: pray, apply for jobs, pray, interview, pray, go to school, pray, try to start a business just to get by, pray, apply for more jobs, pray, interview again, pray, rely on God, follow His lead…and yet….nothing. No job. No income. No one who (truly) understands. “Uh…NOT our plan Lord!”

This has been our life the last three years…and counting.  We are very responsible people who have had a horrible sequence of circumstances happen to us. How did we get to this place? You can read the beginning of it in my post here. We will be the first ones to tell you there have been millions of ways that we have been blessed and God has provided for us through this long journey of unemployment. We see the blessings and are so very grateful for where God has provided for us. But we are also human. There are everyday hardships, frustrations, let downs, disappointments, confusion, guilt, and fear. It wears on you. We do our best to manage our emotions and rely on God.

Matthew 6:31-33 (NIV)

31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

We still have moments. Lately I have had a lot of “those moments”. When you allow yourself to put some hope in an interview or a job application that you know you are perfect for (you have to put hope in it because you want to have faith God is in this and you want to claim it right?) then you get your third rejection in a week…it wears on you. When it is time to pay the bills and you see your savings account getting to scary levels…it wears on you. When your 3 ½ year old child asks you if you have the “checks” (WIC) to get groceries…it wears on you. When you can’t participate in activities and fellowship because it requires a fee…it wears on you. When you can’t financially support the ministries and organizations like you want to…it wears on you. When you see or hear people’s comments about the unemployed “taking advantage” of the system or “being irresponsible”…it wears on you. And when you are trying to build new relationships and you see that loving and compassionate (but speechless) look in the person’s eyes when you tell them you and your husband are unemployed…it wears on you.

The low moments can feel like a very shameful, lonely place. Yes..I have my moments where I just want to crawl into a corner and cry out to the Lord (and I do)…”Why God?”…”Why this?”…”Why now?”…”Why so long Lord?”. Then Dan and I will actually sit down together and talk about God and His promises. We think about the current happenings in our life and look for God in them.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

It doesn’t take long before we see that God is right here in all of it. Whether we understand it right now, we figure it out later, or maybe we never understand it…it is God’s plan for our lives. Our job is to do everything in our power to seek Him, praise Him, and glorify Him through all of our circumstances no matter how hard it may seem.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

We have family members who have been very close with us through our journey. They pray for us daily, they listen to our frustrations and concerns, and they are just amazing godly people. I love them dearly and look up to them for their courage in what they have gone through in their lives for the Lord, and yet what they say to us just amazes me.

Just the past couple of months, when it seems our journey has gotten to what sometimes feels like unbearable levels is when they say they see something in us that amazes and inspires them: Our faith. Through everything they know we have been through (and they are family they know more than anyone ever will) they have said we are an amazing inspiration to them because never once has our faith wavered, and we have allowed all of these circumstances to actually strengthen our faith and connection with the Lord….Just when you are at your peak of sadness and frustration God sends encouragement. When you hear someone tell you that you inspire them because of your faith in the Lord in spite of difficult circumstances and you are glorifying Him for others to see….THAT is when you know you are in God’s will!!!

We don’t know when this chapter will end, we don’t know where the road leads, we aren’t sure how much more heartache we will have to endure. What we do know is that God prunes areas of our life like a gardener to the vine, so that we may grow, become stronger, and produce more fruit for Him. If we are not connected to Him, and seeking His will in our lives, then we cease to show love, peace, faithfulness, joy, goodness, gentleness, patience, self-control, and kindness (the fruits of the spirit); and we cannot glorify Him.

"Dear Lord, this journey has not been easy for us. Our joy, patience, faith, and peace have been tested. There are good days and bad, and we know you are with us in all of those times. We want nothing more than to seek you, praise you, and glorify you Lord. If this journey of pruning is what it takes to make us more like your image so that we may win others to you, then prune away Lord! For nothing that we could ever go through can match the sacrifice of your son dying on the cross for our sins. We will joyfully endure the hard times you allow into our lives so that it can be used to bring others to know You! In Jesus name, Amen."

John 15:1-5 (NKJV)

1 “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away;[a] and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.