Who I am

You could say that today is somewhat of a big day for me. It’s my birthday…..my 30th birthday. So 30 is not that big of a deal right? Well I am not having a mid-life crisis over it or anything…LOL. Though I can’t help but reflect on the last couple of decades of my life, and think of all of the memories. Do you ever look back on your life and think to yourself “Wow, this is not where I thought I would be at this point in my life”? That could be a not so good thing, or it can be a GREAT thing. The point is that life is un-scripted. We may begin a journey expecting for it to take us in one direction, and it takes us to a totally different place, on a totally different journey, sometimes leaving us wondering where to go next.


As I am sure many kids do, each time I reached a new point in my life I was excited for what was ahead: Junior High, High School, College years, and the journey into “adulthood”. Through these different seasons of my life I have had my fair share of triumphs and heartache. My twenties was that time when I expected life to be grand and to live on top of the world. I had that type of amazing ambition that nothing can stop me from being who I want to be, and achieving what was in my heart. Little did I know that God was just about to send me on the endless journey of finding who I truly was… in Him.

It is so easy to go through life and base who you are or your self-worth on your experiences. Coming from a family of 8 girls (yes I said 8 girls!) and me being the youngest - my whole life I have been known by all of these sisters as their “baby sister” or the “little sister”. No matter if I was 12, or 18 or…..29 and getting ready to have my second child. I was their “baby” sister. It was who I was in the family, my identity.

You see, with my oldest sister being 16 years older than me, and having 6 more sisters in between us, I always had someone to look to. I always had someone to watch their milestones in their life, and think wow…I can’t wait to be that age and be at that point in my life. It is easy to see others and look to how wonderful their life seems to be and think you want that.

Then you have different times in your life where you are just trying to find “who” you are. Typically people associate this with what they do, their “career”. Myself, (because of my health issues as a child) I thought I was going to be a nurse from the time I was about 10 years old. In high school I was even accepted into a magnet program that was basically a head start at a health career. I spent my junior and senior year starting school an hour before all of the other kids for lecture in my health classes, as well as doing several rotations at hospitals, nursing homes, etc. I even volunteered for several years at an extended care facility, and graduated from high school already having my CNA license (Certified Nursing Assistant). Life took a turn and God lead me away from my nursing ambition. I know why He lead me away, but sometimes I still even wonder what He is leading me to…

What I do know and that God has taught me even recently is that we cannot identify ourselves by what we do, what we have, or even what people say about us. I was the baby in my family, I was going to be a nurse, I “wanted” things others had. But NONE of that would have made/makes me who I am. God has created in us a heart that only His love can satisfy. Above all, who I am is a beloved daughter of Christ. We are seen as precious in His eyes and unique, there is no other like you. We all have a unique role to play in God’s story.

Dear Lord, I have learned enough to know now that I cannot expect any certain thing to happen in my life in this next decade and beyond. What I do know is that you are an awesome and amazing God that loves me so much that you have the hairs on my head numbered. Though this journey I am on is not painless, I know that you are right there leading and guiding me, because I am your precious child. Wherever you take me Lord, I will praise you, and I will seek to glorify you in all of my experiences!