Devotion of a Father

My parents were not what you would call “young” when they had me. We are a blended family. My dad had two daughters and my mom had five daughters when they got married. Instantly they were past the 3.2 kids that the “typical American family” has…and ALL girls at that. So you would think that at their age of mid to late thirties with already seven girls that they were done. Well, my dad loves my mom so much that he wanted just one more…with her. My mom thought he was crazy. He was…crazy in love. It didn’t take much convincing. About three years after they were married, I arrived. My dad was 34 when I was born, my mom just one month shy of 40. Sure, nowadays that is very common, people have kids in their thirties all of the time. But back in 1980, that was “old”.


I remember growing up and all of my friends parents were in their thirties…when I was in grade school and junior high. Most of their parents had them in their twenties. That was the proclivity at the time…the way it was. I grew up being very aware that my parents were different than all of my friends’ parents. Mine had been around the block a few times (7 actually), so they were more laid back, didn’t worry as much, many times just let things take care of themselves and didn’t over-react. That’s not to say there were not very clear rules, and consequences in our home growing up. In many cases I saw a wisdom and maturity in my parents that the other parents seemed to lack. Nothing wrong with being younger parents, I just saw the advantage mine had being “older” and “wiser”.

One thing was for sure and that was they brought me up to be very conscious of the world around me. My father was always very careful to point out that we each have choices to make as individuals that will impact our future. “If your friends jump off a bridge, would you?” was one of his many mantras. He taught me to be an individual, and be proud of it. I didn’t have to wear the certain clothes, hang out with the “in” crowd, nor do certain things that might have helped my peers perceive me as “cool”. My job as a kid was to find out who I was, be me, and be the best I could be.

My parents were great examples. They always made it very clear to all of us (kids) that their number one priority was our family. Everything outside of that was secondary. My father showed this loyalty by going to work every day, six days a week, many times for ten (plus) hours a day. He loves his job, but more importantly he loves his family and providing for his family. Working has gotten increasingly difficult for him as the years have gone by since his diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis. It’s a disease that slowly progresses through the joints in your body, limiting your mobility and increasing pain each day. I have watched my father throughout the years suffer, some good days, some not so good. But he puts all of that aside, thinking only of his love for his family and his duty to take care of them. He loves us so much that even in the last 10-12 years as his disease has in many ways crippled him, he still pushes himself every day, for those 10 hours, those 6 days, to provide…for his family. This past week my mother told me that my father has been talking about how proud he is that I am such a great mother. What an amazing example I have had in my life. To this day I see devotion in my father that just amazes me.

My father will be 65 this Sunday. More importantly, after many years of convincing, he has finally planned his retirement. January 8, 2011 will be his last day of work with a company he has worked with for over thirty years. In the last few months that he has been planning his retirement I have found myself concerned for him. He has made working for his family such a mission for his life, that I was worried he may find no meaning for himself in retirement. I have asked him how he feels, if he is going to miss the people, the job…if he will be happy. To my surprise he looked at me with a sense of accomplishment, and fulfillment in his eyes and told me “I am ready, and I am looking forward to it.”

His retirement has been an entire emotional process for me. We are all moving on to new phases of life. We are beginning a transition of a type of role reversal I suppose. No longer do they have to take care of and look out for me so much as I am learning to take care of and look out for them in their later years.  No matter how old they become, as a daughter I always want to think of my parents as young. He is no longer the young father who used to playfully toss us in the pool, just as I am no longer the young daughter who could sit on his lap. But I will always be daddy’s little girl.