I have found plenty of things that I have enjoyed and help
me to seize the “quiet” time I am given. I Pray (eyes open people I am driving
:) ). I sing and worship. I listen to an audio bible. But lately (the past
couple of weeks) NONE of those things have been appealing to me. I have tried
and lately just feel that I was getting irritated with those things. Yes – I
just admitted that.
I am having an issue doing anything that would keep me
connected with God, anything that any “good” Christian would want to do and
“should” be doing. Red Flag! What the heck?! What is going on?! The fact that I had absolutely no desire to
be involved in anything that would keep me connected to God is a serious issue
for me. I felt my heart is/was completely torn. On one side I know what I need
most is to rely on God and trust in Him. On the other side I didn’t want to
hear the music, read the scripture, or even be around people that I knew would
try and “encourage” me out of this funk I am in. Harsh I know.
The person I KNEW I could run to – my husband. A few nights
ago I confided in him and I was not too surprised to find out he is/was going
through similar feelings as I am. We talked about how life has gone by this
year like the traffic on my morning commute jetting by at 70mph. We feel like
we have been driving forever with no rest stops. We have tried several different
off ramps only to be taken to another freeway…with more 70mph traffic. Life has
been crazy and we just wanted off the freeway for a rest stop!
I love talking to my husband. He gets it. He gets me. Most
of the time we are thinking or feeling things at the same time, but also God
uses us to encourage each other and bring different perspectives. We haven’t figured out much from our talk the
other night. But one thing we did realize has to do with expectations ….my
quote above: I am having an issue doing anything that would keep me connected with
God, anything that any “good” Christian would want to do and “should” be doing.
I realized that
We don’t know what this season holds or what to do about the
way we feel – but we are working through it. The one thing we did get out of our
time talking through our emotions…grace. Sometimes we just need to allow ourselves
to go through feelings so God can work on whatever it is He is trying to grow in
us. If you read through the Psalms you can read just about every kind of emotion.
God wants all of us, and He is always open to us no matter our feelings of
confusion, hurt, or even a bit of anger. We are free to struggle. It doesn’t
mean we are no longer a child of God just because we sometimes struggle in our
walk with Him. The key is to never stop praying, never stop listening for the
answer God is trying to give you, and give yourself grace. The rest (stop) will come
in God’s time.
