Blessings in raindrops

I’ve struggled the past few days on whether to write and share with all of you something our family has been going through this week. We received some potentially bad news last Friday, and we are in the process of waiting for answers. My first instinct over the weekend after the news was to pull away, close myself off, and to retreat into a puddle of sorrow. Then Dan reminded me that it was Satan working. He encouraged me that in the midst of trials is when you need to surround yourself with people that can love and support you. So why is it so easy and natural to want to just run away and hide? I know... I can feel it, and I have to fight it. I know that if I run away and hide and isolate myself that the enemy will use all of the negative feelings about my situation to instill a fear, bitterness, and resentment in me. I can’t let that happen.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

As hard as it may be, and as much as I want to close myself off, I need to share this with you. I need to find the strength and courage to be real, and to be authentic – just as I promised to you that this is what our blog would be. Totally and completely authentic and transparent.  

I received a call on Friday from my doctor with some test results. I was expecting the call, but not the results she gave me. I just remember getting off of the phone and thinking this can’t be. I think it honestly took a few hours to sink in, it was so surreal. You see I have had my share of health problems, but thankfully nothing ever too serious. I have a couple of minor conditions that I have learned to manage, and they are very manageable.  I went in last week for what I thought was a minor medication adjustment. I was having what felt like some very typical side effects and wanted to talk to the doctor about adjusting my meds. So she ordered some routine blood work, and she gave me a prescription for a different med in anticipation of the blood test results showing nothing.

 Then I got that call on Friday. Twenty four hours after I had done the blood test my doctor was calling to tell me that my white blood cell count was up and she was concerned. I knew why as soon as she said it. You see, normally a white blood count could be something as simple as a basic infection in your body; it is the way your body fights things off. What made my situation unique and alarming was this was the third time in four months my blood test has shown an elevated white blood count. Back in January I went for my routine annual physical exam and my results came back then with the higher white count. I was having some minor sinus issues at the time, so we both went with the idea that it could be a sinus infection. I got a round of antibiotics, went back to get re-tested in 2 weeks….and my white count had gone down slightly, but was still elevated. At the time we left it at the thought that there was just something working through my system and I agreed to call her if I had any other symptoms.

I had been dealing with a lot of physical oddities the past few months, but our lives have also been going through a lot of major changes as well. I attributed many of the things I was feeling and going through as stress related, and plain and simple being out of shape and not taking care of myself right (I know I need to get better at that). It wasn’t until the last 3 weeks that things really started intensifying and adding up for me that made me realize I needed to talk to the doctor (Dan’s concern was also encouraging me to g get checked), but even still I totally thought it would just be a routine medication adjustment.  Not so much.

It turns out that with the symptoms I am having, and my blood test results – It is pointing to a diagnosis of an immune disorder. I won’t get into the names of them until we know for sure. What I will tell you though is that there are 2 specific conditions that I am showing signs of. Each one of them your body creates antibodies against the good cells in your body. Essentially your body is attacking itself, trying to kill off the good cells thinking they are diseased. Both conditions can affect your body differently, and different parts/systems of your body. Both disorders cause fatigue and pain, among other things. There is no cure for either disorder.

I have a family history of one of the disorders. In a way I knew that there was a good chance this day could come. I never thought I could be this young when it hit me. Over the last few days I remember looking at Dan one evening in tears and just asking him – Why does there always have to be something in our lives to test our faith? Like we haven’t shown our trust, and our faith, and submission to God the last few years with everything that has gone on in our lives? Why does it always have to be something? Yes, I was angry. Yes, I was thinking “Why God?!”

But I knew the answer. And at the end of the day after the angry emotions subside and you realize that you know the only way you do get through these things is to reach out to Him. He is the answer.

Psalm 46:1 (NIV)
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Our family has gone through some hard times the last few years {our story here}. No matter what we have gone through Dan and I know without a doubt we will always seek Him, we will always praise Him, and we will always honor Him. You know what? God has brought us through those trials beautifully and even given us blessings through them.

So as I sit here waiting for my newest test results that I took yesterday thinking about the possibilities – I know that in some way, as scary as it may seem now, that God is going to turn those trials into honor and glory for Him. It is our job to seek Him, and follow Him, so that through these things we can bless others in His name.

My mother gave me a card at a very difficult time in my life in my early twenties. I remember like it was yesterday, and I still have it stashed away. It said “Remember – After the rain, there is a rainbow”. So here I sit waiting, and I trust that there will not only be a rainbow after the rain, but there will even be blessings through those raindrops.