Transparency

I posted about a month ago that I haven’t been writing because of fear of letting people in to the true details of our lives. The things my husband and I have been through are things that we always vowed we would use to be a testimony to God, yet in the times that we are going through them we are scared to let people in. We tell ourselves – Well when this situation is over and we get to God’s blessings at the end of this journey THEN we can share it for God’s glory.

What about now? Are we really going to remember the hardest times and the way we felt and the thoughts we were going through in those tough moments when we are on the other side of that struggle and in the happy time? It’s reminds me of a mother who gives birth. She is so happy to have that sweet baby in her arms all of the pain and discomfort she went through for those 9 months just slips away into a place of bliss. I don’t want that to happen here, I don’t want to forget the struggles or the pain. Why? Because if all I shared are the good times, the blessings, the light after the tunnel then how is that ever going to have such an amazing impact for God’s glory? If I shared praise/good news that my mom had a successful surgery you would think “Great! Glad to hear it!”….but if you knew that her successful surgery came after years of severe headaches, a brain tumor, various previous surgeries, and becoming partially paralyzed…well now THAT changes your perception of that praise/blessing doesn’t it? A little bit bigger impact on you perhaps?

What God has shown me is that if He is going to use mine and Dan’s testimony for His glory then people need to know our testimony. As we all know, life isn’t all roses. God is gracious and God always provides just what we need (even when we don’t think we need that thorn in our side thank you very much ;) . You know what, sometimes the journey is not pretty and it’s not fun. It can be frustrating, confusing, disheartening, exhausting and everything in between. And yet in some of the hardest times we feel the need to put on this "I-must-always-be-strong" facade: nothing comes in, nothing goes out. You can't build true meaningful relationships from that. Sometimes I think as Christians (or even as people in general) we need to feel more comfortable being open, vulnerable and transparent with each other.

Transparency in the Bible

Throughout the Bible, the great men of faith are presented as men with the same longings as we have ... along with strengths and weaknesses (James 5:17). For example, it not only depicts Abraham as a friend of God but also as a liar who jeopardized his wife's virtue. The Apostle Paul shared freely about his past and his sense of unworthiness (1 Cor. 15:9; Eph. 3:8; 1 Tim. 1:15). Paul was not afraid to allow others to see him as he was. There is a (what you see is what you get) transparency about the individuals in the Bible. Yet many of us go around wearing a mask. Why are we afraid to let others know who we really are?

What does transparency look like?

Here are some definitions that I found: free from pretence (putting on a charade or mask) or deceit; characterized by honesty; authentic and real. Authentic? Hmm….goes right along with my pursuit for authenticity post here. To sum up all these definitions, transparency is removing the mask and revealing who you really are; it is getting beyond the surface to what is really going on in your heart.

Does it mean spilling your guts to every stranger you meet or using it as an excuse to be TOO honest with people about the way you feel about them? No! We still need to edit ourselves, be kind, and use good judgment/discretion. But what it may mean is that when Suzy at church asks you how you are doing maybe instead of being so quick to go into “auto” mode and give the standard “Good. Thanks” maybe you can open up just a bit and tell her “You know I am a bit frazzled (or) stressed (or) confused right now and your prayers would be greatly appreciated.” Let’s be honest with ourselves, and let people in. When people share with you their stumbles; when they share with you that they’re nothing but frailty and feebleness; and share with you that they are nothing without God. It drives you to think, “Wait a minute! God gave this to them? God brought them through this? If this is true, I know that there is hope for me!" Transparency can be good.

My Transparency

Some of the things I will be writing may be surprising, raw, emotional, or perhaps even familiar. It is reality and I don't want to be in "auto" mode anymore. My only hope is through Dan and I being transparent and sharing our struggles with you in some way whatever you are going through in your life you know that you are not alone. You are not the only one who has struggles. We all struggle (with a lot of the same things).

I do realize that blogging some very personal things may seem to some people like I am telling too much, or being too open. I understand I am taking a risk and facing possible rejection and judgment and I am completely at peace with that. I am at peace with it because I know that even if some people don’t understand me or what I am doing I know that God will use my story to help someone, to touch someone, to encourage someone. And even if it turns out to be just one person it is worth all of the things I have been through to know that I can be reaching someone for God and He is using me and my story to help them. I trust in that.

We have an awesome God that loves us, and is there for us even when we don’t feel Him near. Check out one of my favorite poems below about that very thing.

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

(Footprints in the sand by Mary Stevenson)

Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text, All rights reserved

Authenticity

It has been way too long since we have posted anything here on Living Hope, though it is not for lack of events, ideas, or thoughts. Honestly there have been so many times in our life the past nine months where I have thought…”this would make a great blog post” or “I should write about this”. Was it life’s busy moments or priorities that stopped me from following through? Sometimes…but in all honesty it has been a bit of procrastination because of fear; fear in opening up and allowing others into the details of our life.

It is so easy to do isn’t it? To convince yourself that no one is interested in your life and allow yourself to not (TRULY) open up? In all honestly it was God who has been convicting me of this for several months now. There have been key moments in my life He has been stirring these thoughts of “authenticity”. For a while I thought to myself… “I am authentic. I am who I am and I don’t pretend to be someone else, nor do I lie, or “humor” people. I am reliable and trustworthy…” so what’s this about Lord? I began this new journey questioning things I did and the decisions I was making based on this idea of being (more) authentic.

What God has helped me realize is that you can be a great person and at the same time not be living an intentionally authentic life. It can be so easy to try to please people, to fit others’ needs or expectations. We do what we think we need to do in order to live up to other’s expectations. We try to blend in, not “make waves”, and even sometimes ignore God’s leading in our life for fear of being outcast or ((gasp)) different! We don’t necessarily do this on purpose but maybe we are not confident and do not believe that there is anything unique or special about us. So how do we be more authentic? What if we all tried each day to see ourselves the way God sees us?

1 John 3:1 (NIV)

1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us,

that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Luke 12:5-9 (NKJV)

6 “Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins?

And not one of them is forgotten before God.

7 But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Each one of us is a child of God, for He loves us so much even the hairs on our head are numbered! Can you imagine numbering the hairs on your child (no, seriously)? Talk about love! We need to take time to see ourselves through God’s loving eyes with our beauty, our strengths, our potential, and all of the possibilities for us in this life. If we could see ourselves through God’s eyes and claim what He has for us and how He sees us we can live life with more hope, and less fear…thus making it easier to be authentic.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God knows and sees when we are not being real (authentic). Not being real or authentic could be different things for different people but what it all comes down to is this:

Are you showing/being your true self (who God made you to be!)
in every sense of the word?

I have prayed long and often that God would guide me and give me clarity and an open heart to what He has been trying to teach me. The past few months I have had some situations (some of which you may hear of in future posts) that have helped me question, and confirm what God has for me and who He wants me to be in every situation in my life.

What God has helped me to understand is that even when I am faced with rejection and/or opposition I can stand firm in knowing that when I allow Him to direct my paths I can have the peace of knowing He will take care of those situations that are beyond my understanding.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

And so the list of my personal authenticity begins….

                                                                  1. Follow Him!

                                                                  2. Live with LOVE! - - - > Blog post soon!

                                                                  3. Transparency! - - - > Blog post here!

Jesus wore his heart on his sleeve. It did not take long to figure out what was on his mind and in his heart. What about you? Will others have to wade through your false layers to find out who you (truly) are? Or, from their first encounter with you will they know they have met one of God’s best?

Remember....You are beautiful! .......